Panadol is what Panadol is not

Definitely not an avid blogger but I think it is about time I start to write and keep track of my thoughts rather than to battle it out in my own head.

I used to hate what I was doing and then I started not to mind it because of some people I met in my life. Well, I am not overly-ambitious and I thought everything was fine and I could live day by day and just be fine for the moment.

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FAQ:
Qn: Why am I not ambitious for someone my age you ask?
Ans: Let's just say that I am a complicated individual with alot of skeletons dug in my closet that is kept 6 feet under and I got a bunch of commitments that is enough to fill my plate. This makes me go in an infinite loop of depression because most of the problems will not be solved until end of 2013.

Qn: What kind of problems?
Ans: Chasing a degree while working, paying bills and always end up living on the edge or with a tight leash.

Qn: So why don't you find another job or do sales?
Ans: I need the stability and to help out with family finances too.

Qn: Will you moonlight?
Ans: Of course if possible.
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More often than not, I try to be positive, be a pillar of strength for others and not be a party pooper around but deep down I think I am more complicated than a puzzle or a pretzel when left to my own mechanics.

Recently, I have met someone whom I hold close feelings for and to me, having someone that you can relate to and talk to, etc etc is as much as panadol is to fever. At least there is something to look forward to. However, life is not as rosy nor cherry-filled as all good things come to an end and I don't know why it did.

So ran out of panadol, all these "nightmares" and worries are getting back to haunt me. I don't know how long more I can stay human as I do not know what I am doing and what I am fighting for. Crazy sounding right? I know.

Some wise old man told me "sometimes solution are found at the bottom of a pint". Damn for sure sounds like panadol to me.

But for now... a song I stumbled on after watching a video "ABUDEN", the credits rolled and this song was being played. Part of the lyrics struck me and I started searching and found the full song.

Probably I relate to it because I feel that I might need to change and not stay as who I am and at the same time I wish someone would catch me if I fall but that is just plain selfish of me to ask of.

And since most people have been asking for lyrics, here it is, as much as the ear can hear.

" No one is ever gonna know for sure

If we never try to make it clear

So I take time to explain

Transfer me out of here

Still messing with the same old fears

Black eyes won't fight to absorb the truths of life

But if I don’t stay if I don’t stay

I got my conscience screaming where do we go from here

But if I don’t stay if I don’t stay

I know your sky will catch me if I…. fall

We tripping over everyday

All we ever know is what to say

Defend our right to be right

Come on now the end is near but we’re

Still messing with the same old fears

Let’s try and fight to absorb the truths of life

But if I don’t stay if I don’t stay

I got my conscience screaming where do we go from here

If I don’t stay if I don’t stay

I got my people screaming what do we do and feel

If I don’t stay if I don’t stay

I got my conscience screaming where do we go from here

If I don’t stay if I don’t stay

I know your sky will catch me if I….

(Bridge)
If I don’t stay…

Don’t say there’s nothing left to know apart from all you know now

Don’t say its over till we make it somehow

Don’t say there’s nothing left to know apart from all you know now

Don’t say its over……"

ps: never wish it was over except for all things bad.